Monday, January 2, 2017

The REAL reason I retired from porn

It's comedic how people will make up stories to add substance to news they hear and it was no different when I announced my retirement out of porn.  I had done so before in 2012 when I got into a relationship with a marine, but returned for 1 film and returned back to retired life.

Why people assume that when you retire it has to be because you did something wrong or because you can't handle it, isn't always the case.  Even worse is when they attach a stigma that you caught something so you were forced to leave the industry.  Then there is the fact that because you got into a relationship you had to quite.  That is FAR from the truth.

The reason I left porn?  Let me COUNT the reasons.

Reason Number 1:  It wasn't for me!

Believe it or not, I wasn't the nasty slut everyone wanted me to be or the fans expected me to be.  I was playing one on tv, but in my personal life I am a 1 man kind of lady who although, I like to explore in the bedroom... wasn't the cum guzzling, dick swapping, bare back freak they cameras wanted to film.  I don't judge those who are into it, but it just wasn't me - EVER!

The toll playing this role had on me didn't ruin me, but it certainly had it's mark on my life.  I am not the kind of woman who just meets someone and immediate says "Hey let's fuck!"  I wanted to shoot more films that were like real life scenarios and true attraction between people who really DID want to fuck each other!  In porn, you most often find out who you are fucking minutes before you get on set.  Often times, you don't even KNOW who the person is!

Reason Number 2:  The Lack of proper hygiene & personal care

Maybe because I was in the BBW genre or amateur or both, the lack of personal care and hygiene was surprising to me,  I have never seen so many grown adults NOT take care of themselves properly.  I mean, come on... THIS IS YOUR JOB.  How do you expect me to take you seriously when you clearly don't take yourself serious?  There are products available to assist with your ability to be clean and present yourself in such a fashion.

Reason Number 3:  The Lack of testing and/or use of condoms both ON SET & OFF SET

Your personal life is yours to enjoy and I understand you want to have fun.  However, when your personal habits put your professional life at risk by not being regularly tested and not using condoms, that is a problem.  After the things I saw both behind the scenes and on camera, I just knew that this wasn't for me.  The risk is far too high and the reward not worth risking my life.  You can KEEP it.

Although, I have argued MANY times that adult performers DO get tested more than civilians and are more LIKELY to use condoms, that doesn't mean it's true for EVERY situation.  I am speaking on behalf of a small isolated number of incidents I was witness to.

Reason Number 4:  Fetish pays better.

Let's face it.  The risk outweighed the reward.  I make more money on fetish footage than I did with hardcore porn scenes.  The cost to make the hardcore was also a huge factor.  Between testing, location, travel, male talent, vidographer, editing, and more it just doesn't make sense for me.  Good business is removing the pieces of the business that don't make money but require a lot of overhead.

Reason Number 5:  My talents are behind the scenes.

I think it's self explanatory to say that I am more a nerdy girl anyways and that I belong behind the scenes.

And that my friends, is why I left porn.

Friday, December 30, 2016

BBW PORN - from the inside a look at the crash of a top selling genre

Ok, I am old.  At the age of 41 and 12 years in the industry I realize that the new generation of wannabe starlets find me to be outdated, washed up and matured.  Of course, that comes with a wet behind the ears mentality and fresh titty milk on the mouth attitude that has yet to live, learn and experience the world let a long the adult industry.

I had my days at the top of what was and STILL is the foundation of BBW porn.  I didn't have to star in 100 dvd's or work for all of the top companies.  I didn't have to be on the cover of every title or be nominated for every award that acknowledges BBW's.  All I had to do was stay TRUE to myself, do what makes ME comfortable and happy and work hard for the things I wanted.  I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible and I am proud of that!

It came with sacrifices, risks, trials, tribulations, and a lot of crazy drama!  One thing that definitely took me entirely too long to figure out or at least find a way to remove it from my life was keeping my circle tight.  My eagerness to help those who didn't want or was unwilling to help themselves consumed my life and threatened my business' success over and over again.  I learned a lot through those situations but some I had to learn more than once!  ::INSERT FACE PALM::

To fans, being surrounded by all of the industries top models is appealing and cool.  Little do they know the truth behind the side effects and long term damages caused.  On the outside, you see the fun in adult entertainment.  Many people are afraid to show the REAL deal behind the scenes and the way most of these girls are.  When you have been going through unnecessary social media attacks & drama the last thing you want to do is mention them or talk about it because it just starts the drama all over again or perpetuates it.  So, the public, the fans and other industry people are unaware of the "truth."

I couldn't be happier with my new way of doing things and with that came disconnecting from virtually everyone.  Having a small group of people you converse with, share with, and ultimately work with makes things so much simpler and less dramatic or complicated.  Many ask me why I don't hang out with this person anymore or that person.  It would appear as if I had been ostracized from the popularity club.  Frankly, I chose to remove myself and eliminate myself from the equation.  I wished I had done it sooner.

BBW's are some of the most miserable women on the face of the planet and the adult industry is the hub of hateful envy, mean girls and self entitled fake activists who claim to be victims of everything you can think of.  Now now now, don't go getting your panties in a bunch and think that I am calling all the girls attention seekers for "claiming" to have been a victim, because that is definitely not the case.  I am simply saying that there are many girls in the business who clearly use false accounts of incidents as beacons for attention and excuse their behavior of being a bully with their past.

Let me be perfectly clear on this, THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO BE MEAN TO ANYONE.    If someone is hateful to you, you ignore them.  If they attack you, you can defend yourself without attacking back.  I have found refuge in silence when under attack.  I don't have to defend my actions and surely not publicly.  The way you treat me speaks about YOUR character NOT mine.  Therefore, I just refuse to acknowledge the bullshit and stay focused on what's important, me!

This brings me to my point for this blog post.  The current state of the BBW genre within the adult industry.  Although I would love to bask in the ambiance of gratitude for the immense strides we have made as a member of the adult entertainment industry, unfortunately, I am appalled at the ratchet behavior that "adults" have represented.  It saddens me that our efforts are in vain as we gain momentum and popularity, our opportunities become less and far between.  The self entitlement that BBW's HAVE to be included in awards shows, conventions and other events is unwarranted.  The public displays of discontent and temper tantrums only reveal to the world and industry lack of self respect.

The lack of professionalism and true dedication to producing, managing and selling quality content and maintaining the industry standards is an anchor that stunts our growth,  Bickering online and social media lack of responsible are a plague for the true disdain the industry has developed for plus sized performers.  When I see girls complaining I think "Wow, THIS is why they won't work with us!"  When they see us complaining, it's definitely not perceived in a positive way at all.

It angers me to have worked SO hard with others to make the changes we all desire for a more positive experience for our women in this business and there is NO appreciation.  The competition to be the best hasn't been about improving your product or representing the best business model.  It's all about a status and what is perceived by the public.  Who has more followers on twitter or other social media platforms has been criteria that defines a top performer.

What's more sickening is the length's that I have seen girls go to to destroy each other instead of putting that energy and time into improving themselves and their product.  For some, they will stop at nothing to reveal personal information, putting the performer and the performers family in danger.  For those of us who live our lives virtually in front of the camera, our private information is all we have!  If that same time and energy were invested in their products, they would be making money instead of enemies and flooding our time lines with toxic waste.

The state of BBW is code red and definitely in need of some damage control.  I hope someone POSITIVE comes along with as much passion as I once had and turns this state of true disgrace around.  I suppose the state of BBW is a true representation of how many feel about the presidency at the moment.  I concur that it's definitely in shambles and we are days away from crashing & burning.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Disney Parody Video



This was something I got in trouble for while working back in the day.... and I can't get rid of the ability to turn EVERYTHING into a freaking song on the spot!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

MODEL CENTRO: Your Affiliate Program is your FREE marketing tool!


You've made the first step into being a website owner and in full control of your website by joining Model Centro.  You took the next steps by designing your site, uploading content and setting prices.  What you may have forgotten to do?  Enable your affiliate program.  
Many of you ask, what is an affiliate program and why should I have one?

Simplified?  It's your FREE resource to gaining more traffic to your website and expanding your conversions into website earnings.  Ok, maybe that wasn't as simplified as I could make it so I will say it like this:  "Affiliates market YOUR website which creates sales for you and earns them a % of the money they generate in return."  Essentially, you are paying an affiliate to market your website ONLY if their efforts generate sales.



The % will vary from site to site, but essentially this is how it works.  You ENABLE your affiliate program and create free marketing tools for your affiliates to use in their promotions which will increase your traffic and sales.  
Here is how you set up your affiliate program:


Once you enable your affiliate program, you can let your social media followers know and start getting sign ups!



In the NEXT Affiliate Program blog I will show you how to create promotional content specifically for your affiliates!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The ultimate squirt experience

If you've been following along the cameras at my house  then you have seen the interaction that is occurring between me and a new friend.  If you haven't, you are missing some hot action!

It's been a month since we starting hanging out and began in our sexual journey.  Things were off to a normal start with me dodging and not really taking him too serious.  If you KNOW me, you know my attention span is hella short when it comes to men so it's no surprise that one day they are here and the next they are gone.  But this one is different.

He barely touches me, kisses me and my pussy gushes everywhere!  He is the FIRST person who has made me squirt from licking my pussy!!!  I have never cum so many times, squirted so many times and thoroughly enjoyed the intimate interaction with someone as I do with him!

So the other day, we are having sex as we normally do until this moment came where he touched me, looked at me and was penetrating me in such a way that caused my pussy to project squirt onto him and it came back and showered me in the face and on my chest!  It was soooo fuckin' hot!

The poor bedding on my bed is soaked on a daily basis to the point that there are puddles in the mattress.  I have been told the plastic mattress protectors are worthless and don't hold under extreme sexual escapades so no need in wasting my time with that.  Any suggestions??

Friday, May 1, 2015

Would you date a man who is BISEXUAL or likes TRANSGENDER?



As of late, I seem to be meeting more men that are into alternative lifestyles who admit to having bisexual affairs and attractions to transgenders.  One guy is probably straight up gay... but wasn't honest about his sexuality and I have NO idea what he wanted with me.

Today I had a conversation with a guy from a dating site that admitted he likes transgenders.  I asked him if he had sex with them and he openly answered yes.  I am not judging, but question whether or not that is something I could handle in a relationship or potential sexual situation.

I appreciate the honesty, since the other guy wasn't honest AT ALL but left a lot of clues that definitely screamed that he was batting for the other team.  So how do I feel about this?  I have never really taken the time to really think about it and decide of this is something I am ok with.

-=============== To be continued ============- 

Thursday, April 30, 2015

FAN QUESTION: Kim Kardashian, Khloe & Kylie Jenner


I have started answering fan questions and this was one of the first one's that caught my attention.

"With the recent viral videos of the "Kylie Jenner Challenge" what is your opinion of the Kardashians and the message they send to our youth?"

This is such a good question and required me to really think about my response.  I will be open, honest and candid.

I think the Kylie Jenner Challenge is by far the stupidest thing to hit the Internet,  The fact that people would do things like this to their bodies to attempt to have bigger lips is ridiculous.  Honestly, that ties into my whole opinion about the Kardashians entirely.  The message that they send to our youth and to the general public is the importance of having money, surgery and the constant need for the "perfect" physical appearance is misleading.



We live in an instant gratification generation.  The "I" generation which seeks approval from the masses and through surgeries, physical augmentation, tattoos, piercings, material items and appearance extremities simply alter their natural beauty but don't fix the underline issues within.  I don't judge, by any means but I certainly feel that it becomes an obsession that ultimately destroys you and doesn't bring you the satisfaction you are hoping to achieve.  For those who DO reach a successful gratification, by all means more power to you.  My concern is for those who will spend thousands of dollars to still have the issues mentally and emotionally they are hoping will be disappear.


This topic is much like weight loss.  It's great when you are doing something proactive to change your weight but the weight loss as a whole doesn't fix the inner emotional damage that can come from common weight issues.  You have to do more than just lose the weight and change your physical appearance with counseling or simply changing how you feel and think about yourself.  

The Kardashians are a very powerful source with their effect on the world.  I wished they would send the message to LOVE yourself no matter WHAT you look like and promote self acceptance.  But how you can you do that if you are challenging the world to put their lips in a bottle cap so they can look bigger?