Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Expressions from the heart....

I have been going back and forth with someone since summer of last year. A rocky relationship that started out fairy tale, as most do... but has since turned into a delicate situation that hurts to even talk about anymore. As of late, I have had a yearning to be held. Someone to help me take my mind off of the bad things going on in my life and balance things out. There is an absence where he should be, a space of nothing that leaves me torn between holding onto what I thought we had and the reality that it's over. He has tried very little to bridge the gap, or show me that he truly cares. I'm lucky to get a text every few days, and a phone call once a week. I know he is a busy man but how hard is it to show just a little bit of attention to someone you claim to love? How do you get jealous of "fans" and my life outside of our so called relationship when that's ALL I have? I don't talk about it with friends anymore because I am handling it MY way. I know the truth, and I don't need anyone telling me how to maintain affairs of MY heart. I don't ask advice therefore I don't want it. Only I know what is best for me... So what is best for me? Keep holding on to the little piece of something that has faded into nothing? I deserve more, and better. I have given up trying, at this point it's just a friendship I maintain out of a love that once was. I can't deny the pain, nor the hurt just thinking about it. What do I really want? What do I need?

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