Today has definitely been one of those reality check days where once again I am brought back down to reality and see who is real and who is fake. I am aggrevated because I plan my trips, my tour and my shoots based on the conversations that take place with models, webmasters, and producers. I suppose I thought I had not only met some cool people, but made friends as well. And this lesson I thought I learned before, this business isn't for friends. Get in, get out. But no, I tend to connect with people and want to do for them. This shit stops NOW. Self sacrificing ends immediately. If this is how the business goes, and its been nearly 5 yrs in the making, then it stops now and I go back to the regular life I lead BEFORE I put myself out there. It will never be the same, I am aware. But I can no longer barely survive in an industry that is eating me alive. Is it that I am simply facing the end of what was a good run in the industry? Or perhaps my feelings of NOT doing mainstream work early on while I was making a name for myself caused me to end up in a position where NOW that I am willing to do mainstream dvd work, no one wants to hire me? What the fuck is going on? I need to do some yoga, self reflect in a positive environment and really get inside the problem. Is my marketing fucked up? Should I hire someone? Should I quit? Should I remove myself from the spotlight and start to manage other girls?
So now that I have expressed my feelings and what negative energy is lurking around my mind. I can surely say I have met some awesome people during these last travels. And there are some great models I will be shooting with soon if in the event I decide to remain in the game, which I am sure I will. Just got off the phone with my good friend Jonny T who always seems to put things in a perspective that makes absolute sense. I am talented, and not sore on the eyes. Times have been tough lately with travel taking its toll on me. Rejection can play its part as well. THIS is what keeps me grounded. So I am staying folks lol my brief battle with retirement is over.
Thanks for listening :) Time to get my ass back to work and get RE motivated!