This song plays as I write this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29nI8RQV0U
In this world of sex entertainment, I find myself more and more disconnected from the world I create and the world I actually live in. I don't want to sound like a person complaining about the wonderful life I actually have... because that's certainly NOT the case. I am blessed beyond words. The opportunities I've been afforded are beyond appreciated. There is ONE thing missing from my life, the one.
I find myself in these situations where the people that love me, appreciate me, show affections and truly fulfill what I thought my needs were are in my life, however, I am unable to reciprocate the same feelings they share for me.
I've entered into a relationship with a woman, whom I adore and care for deeply... that part of my relationship needs is fulfilled. But the man part, is more empty than ever. Is it because I am TOO independent? Is that EVEN possible? Or am I desensitized by my emotional disconnect I created from being in adult entertainment? OR perhaps I simply attract to the "challenges" that I think I can concur, only to find myself in an impossible situation?
I don't NEED to be in a relationship. Let's be clear about that. I simply want to cuddle, share my wonderful accomplishments with someone and every now and then have someone to listen to me and rationalize my insanity. I have some of this in my new girlfriend, but with her being so much younger than I... I tend to shut down instead of letting her in. And she made it VERY clear that she does not believe in monogamy so going in I knew what time it was with her.
So where does this leave me? If you read prior posts you will see that this has been an ongoing issue and topic of discussion. What do I want? What do I need? What is it that will ultimately make Kari happy? Who knows... but in the meantime, Platinum Puzzy will be ever so happy to oblige your needs! xoxoxo Smooooooches!