I admit, I am definitely lacking some personal attention and not getting my sexual needs met. Well... that was then. I've dived head first back into the dating scene with a few unsuccessful disasters already but also a story of friendship that looks real hopeful for something more.
I am not rushing into a relationship. We all know how distracting being in one can be and the last thing need or want is to lose focus on what's important. I can say this though... it is tough.
When you work in the adult business and are a little known it is hard to tell if people genuinely like you for you or have a hidden agenda. ESPECIALLY lately, with the influx of exposed shady characters that I have had to remove from my circle and ultimately my life I just don't know WHO to trust. And when it comes to men, being desensitized to emotional connections can make a dating situation very difficult.
I suppose a big issue I face is the "I want to fuck a porn star just to say I fucked a porn star" situations. Everyone has their preconceived notions about what it's like and once they think it's within their reach, they use the "dating" scenario to get to the goodies. It's quite frustrating especially when I am perfectly ok with having just a sexual relationship when that's what WE decide. That requires HONESTY.
Another issue is jealousy. For the general public, many see us as being an object rather than a person and fail to realize that working in the sex industry is just a job. The fucking on set, or in a scene is much different than off set sex with someone I care about. It's a personal choice when I am with someone I want to be with rather than in a situation where I am with who's been chosen for me for the sake of an income.
We're often asked questions like "But he's so big and so attractive to you why wouldn't you want to fuck him AFTER the scene is over?"
That's real easy, because when I CARE about someone and are in a committed relationship THEY are who I want to be with and no good looks, huge dick or amazing sex is going to fill the void that would be left after being with them. I require a mental stimulation and emotional connection with someone in order to produce the insatiable desires that make me NEED to have sex with someone.
Other issues that present themselves are potential partners trying to fuck your porn star friends. Now that they've conquered you, it seems they want to try out the goodies of your co-stars, friends and associates. Some have even gone as far as to literally force themselves onto a model while I was asleep in a house full of cameras. WTF were you thinking? Aside from the fact that she would tell me, the cameras catch EVERYTHING. He was really a douche and this happened recently.
Many ask me why I don't date other male talent and I guess there just hasn't been a situation that presented itself that deemed relationship worthy. I don't want a guy that everyone fucks and knows and is easily accessible. I wonder if that's how he feels about me? Hmm.... something to definitely think about since I never really gave it much thought.
I will keep you updated on the latest developments of my new guy. Wish me luck!!