Life has it's way of keeping things in check. Here I was, all packed, prepared and PAID to go to NJ for Exxxotica and all of a sudden I had pains in my back like I was being stabbed. After spending several days ignoring the pain, thinking I could just bare it and be ok... it got so bad that I could no longer bare the pain. SO Destiny made me go to the ER. After xrays, ultrasound and tons of morphine - the diagnosis was Gaul Stones. Am I relieved to know what's wrong? SURE. However, can't say that I am at all excited about surgery. The last 5 years has been surgery after surgery. I KNOW it needs to be done... and ofcourse the travel plans were put on hold to ensure I am not bopping around the world prior to my full recovery. So Exxxotica cancelled, L.A. cancelled... and all travel plans cancelled until I can get this done and over with. The support you guys have given me has been phenomenal. I appreciate all the love and well wishes.
While having to sit back, and just chill for a few days... I had an epiphany. "If my career in the business of adult entertainment were to end today, would I regret anything?" Absolutely not. I have met some amazing people, and some crazies... but overall the experience itself has been a MAJOR step in MY life. I have gained far more than I have lost. Between self confidence boost, great friends, life lessons and skills that will be useful in and out the business - I can surely say that this has been a wonderful ride. I am NOT planning on leaving... I just put my "place" in the industry into perspective. And if there are those who choose to NOT call me a pornstar, so what. I enjoy where I am in what I do because I still have a VERY close relationship with fans. I tend to my own messages which sets me aside from most. THAT to me is more important than being in a 100 videos... and yes someone said being a pornstar is more than just fucking on film. That can be debated... but I still feel I deserve some recognition for the hard work I put in, the travels I have gone on meeting fans across the country and the efforts I have given throughout the years.
That's all I have to say at this point. Til next time.
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